Wednesday, June 24, 2015

E-TIDBIT OF THE DAY: Offering others a lick

Offering others a lick of your ice cream is interesting to contemplate. Do they really want me to take a lick or are they just trying to be polite eating delicious ice cream in front of me, while I stand by them "food-less"? It is a Brazilian custom to offer what one is eating when with others who are not. They even offer you a bite of their lunch! Even when they know you are about to eat, they still offer you theirs!

Photo from www.fas.harvard.edu
When I came to Brazil, my new friends, who were enjoying some scrumptious morsels, would always ask me if I wanted some. If it did not involve exchanging saliva, I would sometimes say, "Yes, I'll have some, thanks". But, if they were offering a bite of a candy bar that they had already bitten, or a portion of something that would have been impossible to taste if not by just biting off a chunk, I would usually decline the offer. If they hadn't yet eaten any of what they were offering, I would sometimes venture a bite, not wanting to possibly offend them by refusing.

Photo from www.gettyimages.com
Now, there is the context of talking about good friends with whom you don't mind exchanging saliva, since they ARE FRIENDS AFTER ALL. Somehow when it's a good friend, someone you would be willing to trust your life with, suddenly changes the rational to two likely scenarios: 

1. "Well, they are my friend, my buddy, so they can't have some horrible disease that could pass onto me. They take care of themselves, don't they? They have good hygiene, so they surely cannot pass on something unhealthy to me, right? I mean, I even sit on their toilet seat, not bothering to put TP down for protection when visiting their house! So, taking a bite won't hurt!"

OR...

2. "Hum...", you think for a split second. "My buddy, my chum, my friend is my friend! I don't care if I take in some of their germ-filled saliva while tasting their snack! It's no big deal!"


Photo from www.dreamstime.com
On a more personal note, I grew up with a dentist, my father. He is now a retired oral surgeon. Once in a while, he would give us kids a surprising fact about the human mouth which, frankly, we would have rather not known about. One of these facts was that dog's mouths are bacterially cleaner than the human mouth. He told us that gangrene can even be present in our mouths just waiting to infect some vulnerable part of our bodies! Immediately, we thought about where dogs' mouths have been, and how they could possibly have CLEANER mouths than us?!? Yuk!! (One time my dog licked me right on my
"Keep on your side, Fluffy!"
Photo from www.buzzerg.com
tongue and I'm still alive!).
 
And then, we all thought of the many germs that must be exchanged during the act of kissing! But, the fact is that my father was right. Just check the net! You will find studies showing that many diseases have been traced back to that puckered up oral cavity called the human mouth!

"Oooo, Mommy, that's cold!"
Photo from www.pinterest.com
Anyway, back to offering snacks to others...Just today someone offered me a sip of their juice, which I declined. Once I saw a documentary which showed us how much saliva goes back into the glass of water we drink from. It is an astonishing amount! Much more than we realize! So, you might want to think again next time someone offers you a sip of their beverage.


"Oooo, baby, that's good!"
Photo from www.dailykitten.com
Well, Brazilian friends tell me that offering someone a bite, sip or even a lick is just to be polite. They don't necessarily want the person to actually take a lick, sip or bite! But, then again, when close friends practice this, they usually are ready for you to accept their offer! So...I guess the moral of this story is that you just enjoy life and conclude that what harm could there be doing this among friends. And if the person offering you a lick, sip or bite, is NOT one of your close friends or even a stranger, just ask yourself if you want to take the chance offending them because they are just being polite and DON'T want you to accept, or if you will be so bold as to SIP, BITE OR LICK!

It's FOOD for thought!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

E-TIDBIT OF THE DAY: Making North American friends & acculturation

Making North American friends can be a challenging and gradual undertaking, especially for Latin Americans and perhaps for citizens of other parts of the world, as well. First, let me say that Latin Americans are a very hospitable people. Once you are introduced to them by a mutual friend, they usually embrace you as their friend immediately. They trust you because their friend is also your friend. 

After meeting, there may be certain unspoken expectations placed upon the North American by his or her new Latin American friends. These expectations are a product of the host culture in which the newcomer finds himself as a guest and foreigner. If these expectations are not met by the foreigner within a certain span of time, he or she may be misunderstood. People act and react according to the social customs, habits and practices of their own culture. When the relationship involves people of different cultures, misunderstandings can occur. Please allow me to give an example that will help you better understand what I am talking about. 
                                                  
                                                       Photo: Personal Archives


After arriving in Brazil, I and another North American friend attended a Brazilian church. We made friends quickly with the young women of the church, from our point of view. I was considered a leader because of the purpose with which I came to Brazil: to train and equip church leadership. This factor, coupled with just being a North American, helped in making friends quickly. But, my friend and I began to communicate an attitude by our action of habitually leaving the church just minutes after the service (meeting) was over.

                                                        Photo: Personal Archives

During our first year at the church, my friend and I invited the young women of the church to our home to have a leisure time of talking about whatever subjects they desired. The idea was to get to know one another better. A question was asked that was puzzling the young women - Why were we not staying for a time after the meeting (service) to talk with them? They explained to us that they were enjoying so much the time that afternoon in our home, but that we seemed not to care enough about them at church to stay and talk. They said that they felt very special to us having been invited to our home, but that our behavior of leaving right after the service at church on Sundays sent them a different message. We were communicating to them that they were not special to us because we were not staying after the meeting for 30-60 minutes to chat with them. 
                                                                                                         
                                                                             Photo: Personal Archives

You see, this is the custom in many Brazilian churches - to stay after the worship meeting to talk with friends. This time is considered very important to many Brazilians. The fact that we were not entering into this practice, communicated to our friends that we did not like them and that we were socially distant and unapproachable. Having heard this, we apologized and asked them to forgive us for this behavior and promised to spend time after the church meeting to talk with them and pray with them.

Often executives who have posts in other countries return home within a short time for lack of knowledge about the host country where they were to continue their corporate careers. Organizations which send workers overseas can avoid losing time, money and even business relationships by investing in training seminars which help to prepare their employees for such overseas visits and long-term posts.

                                                       Photo: Personal Archives

North Americans can be too objective when it comes to relationships, time and purpose, while in countries where relationship is valued more highly than time and even money. Where we consider time wasted when failing to reach the day's business objectives, other cultures consider it priority getting acquainted over a game of golf as time well spent. We like to have a purpose for doing everything, even when spending leisure time with friends. We can be overly protective of our personal and especially our business time. We cherish our alone times, especially after a long week of work, and that may be misunderstood by our hosts.
                                            
                                 Photo: Personal Archives

The lesson in my experience shared above is that when you go to another country to live and work with and among the people, you should first be a studious observer, learn from the actions of the people and make every effort to find out what is important to them. Then, it is a good idea to do as they do, if it does not put you in any kind of danger or go against a local law, moral or spiritual standard you may live by. If you do this, you can increase your chances of being successful in every aspect of your life and work as a guest in that culture, especially in relationships. It is the attitude of being what is called culturally sensitive and being willing to go through the process of acculturation*

The knowledge you gain in being a humble observer and learner will help you in the workplace with colleagues and in personal relationships. The key is to say to yourself that they are different, rather than thinking of your own culture as superior. This thinking can help you to become part of the new culture.


*Acculturation 
1. The modification of the culture of a group or individual as a result of contact with different culture.
2. The process by which the culture of a particular society is instilled in a human from infancy onward. 
Source: The Free Dictionary by Farlex, http://www.thefreedictionary.com/acculturation

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

E-TIDBIT OF THE DAY: NO vs. NOT

No vs. Not is a tough gem of English grammar for many native-speakers to explain. But, here we go...


WHEN TO USE NO.

Rule #1
Let's begin with the use of No. The most obvious use is with questions that require a No answer.

ExampleNo, I do not have a car. OR...No, I don't.
(Question: Do you have a car?) 

In the above example, the answer is negative (as indicated by No).

                                                      Video: Personal Archives


Rule #2
The second case is the use of No before a noun that has an adjective. 

Examples

His car has no movable seats. 
Joyce has no gray hairs!

In English an adjective (i.e. movable; gray) always comes before a noun (i.e. seats; hairs) and requires "no" before the adjective followed by the noun.

Rule #3
The last rule with No requires No before a noun with no article.

Examples

The car has no wax on it.
Our little dog, Tippy, is no match for the big German Shepherd that lives down the street.
When chicks are born, they have no feathers.
There are no children in this small town.


The nouns wax; match have no article before them, such as "a", "an", or "the"


WHEN TO USE NOT.

Rule #1: Not comes before a noun that has an article in any given negative sentence.

Examples

That is not the car I ordered. 
This is not a pen I would give as a gift.
These women are not the group we were expecting.
Mr. Jones is not an option the officials would choose as a referee for this baseball game. 
That family is not the Smiths. It's the Johnsons.

In the above first example there is the noun (i.e. car), and the definite article (the). Study the other examples above that use the other underlined articles.

Rule #2: Not comes before possessive adjectives: my, your, his, her, our, your (2nd person plural), their. Also, Not comes before object pronouns: mine, yours, his, hers, ours, yours, theirs.

Examples using Not before possessive adjectives.

This is not my car.
The field is not her property.
Filmmaking is not our business.
Is this not your necklace? (The question asks for an affirmation or a negative response. Ex: Yes, it is...or, No, it isn't.)
Are these not their worksheets? 


Examples using Not before object pronouns.

Those vehicles are not theirs.
That laptop is not mine.
These signatures are not ours!


                                                        Video: Personal Archives



Rule #3: Not is used before proper names of possession.

Examples

That house is not Mr. Miller's.
The dresses are not Sally's.
This car is not Chris's. OR...This car is not Chris'.


Rule #4: Another rule is to use Not before these quantifiers: any, a lot, many, much and enough.

Examples:

1. There are not any sports cars at this dealer. 

Also, you can write it like this: There aren't any sports cars at this dealer (the contractions with not can be used, as in this example - are not or aren't).

2. That's not a lot of money for a Ferrari.

3. There are not many cars on the street.

4. I'm not much of a car buff.

5. It's not enough to just think about learning to drive.

NOTE: 
Please do not confuse the rules above with the use of contractions: Ex: don't = do not; aren't = are not; isn't = is not. These contractions all use the word "not", which is obvious, except in a sentence like this: Do you have no shame? (You can never say: Do you haven't shame? This is grammatically  incorrect.). But, you could say: "Haven't you any shame?"; "Have you no shame?" The British would say these two sentences. Usually, these constructions are considered a very formal way for an American to speak. However, we might say these last two examples just to be funny. So, now you are really confused, right!?😀Don't be! Remember, you can use contractions with NOT in negative sentences. See below...

Rule #5: Not is used before adverbs, like there, here, and before adjectives, such as pretty, clumsy, dreary, etc.

Examples:

His house is not there. OR, His house isn't there.
The dogs are not here. OR, The dogs aren't here.
Those blue dresses are not pretty.
Jeff is not clumsy, but just intimidated in front of girls.
The book isn't dreary. It just describes real life situations.

Rule #6: Not used before verbs. Not can be used in imperatives (or command) sentences before verbs, like go, walk, make, etc., and past participles, like gone and been, etc. Also, use modal verbs in the negative with not like: should not, would not, could not, must not, etc. These words can also be contractions: shouldn't, wouldn't, couldn't, mustn't, etc.

Examples:

Let's not walk on the grass...OR, Don't walk on the grass!
Do not make that cake with icing!

I would not go to his house alone anymore, if I were you.
Do not go there! OR, Don't go there!

The little boy has not gone home, yet. OR, The little boy hasn't gone home, yet.
That pop band has not been to Brazil. OR, That pop band hasn't been to Brazil.

Shouldn't you go to bed? (Using the contraction here is more American English.).
Couldn't that man be her husband? (Using the contraction here is more American English.).
We must not stay out after dark...OR, We mustn't stay out after dark.




You are that much closer to speaking impressive and incredible American English!


Saturday, March 21, 2015

E-TIDBIT OF THE DAY: C'mon!

C'mon is a very common American expression with several meanings, which are understood within the context spoken or written.

It can also be written like this: Come on!

When used in the context of encouragement, picture a competition where the parents, friends and relatives of the team players are cheering the team on. For example, at a basketball or soccer game, the fans will yell: "C'mon, Spartans, go!" Spartans would be the name of the team. Fans will also cheer on an individual team member like so: "C'mon Mike, you can do it!" Or, "Show 'em how to play ball, Sheila! C'mon!"

Come on! can be an expression of impatience or exasperation. "Come on...hurry up would ya!?", or "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!"

C'mon! can be a point of checking common sense or alerting the audience's values or that of a group of friends during a discussion. "They caught him stealing a car! I mean, c'mon!"
                                                                                   
                                                                                 Video: Personal Archives                     


C'mon can be used to solicit agreement after a statement is made that most people know to be true. For example: "Now you've heard it said that women are from Venus and men are from Mars, right? C'mon. C'mon!"

Come on can be an expression of disbelief. For example: "Come on, now...you gotta be kiddin' me.", or "C'mon. Seriously?"

                                                          Video: Personal Archives

ALTERNATE MEANINGS. Now, this idiomatic expression is not to be confused with the phrasal verb "come on", as in the sentence: "My parents' anniversary comes on July 21."

Nor can it be confused with the slang expression which connotes sexual intent, as in the following: "He comes on to her every time her boyfriend isn't around." There is also the noun, come-on, which means to induce or attract, as in these examples: "The store produced a real come-on to get customers to buy the product." Or, "It was just a come-on to get the girl to date him."

You are that much closer to speaking impressive American English!


Thursday, February 26, 2015

E-TIDBIT OF THE DAY: Hang in there!

"Hang in there" is an American expression used frequently among all age groups. It means: do not give up; to persevere in a given situation. 

Examples:

Beth: Hey, Jules! I hear you are studying for finals. You have a 4.0 GPA*, so don't worry about passing.


Jules: Yeah, Beth. I may be a genius, but I've got to figure out some of the formulas and how they are calculated in just 5 hours!


Beth: Oh, Jules, you'll figure it out. You just hang in there, buddy.


------------------------------------------------

Bonnie: I'm about to lose it at work. My boss is so unreasonable! You can't talk to her. She's so arrogant and closed to any ideas!


Paula: I hear she can be difficult. But, hang in there Bonnie. It'll all work out.



When we say "hang in there", it can come out sounding like this: Hang in 'nair.


                                                                               Video: Personal Archives


So, go out there and use it. You are that much closer to speaking impressive American English!


* 4.0 GPA, is said as follows: four point oh, G-P-A, which is the acronym for "grade point average". GPA is the system of evaluating a student's performance in US schools.




Tuesday, February 10, 2015

E-TIDBIT FOR THE DAY: Moving right along...

Moving right along... is a common American expression used in everyday speech. Imagine a conversation between three people in a business meeting. One person is getting off the subject or changing the subject not on the agenda, which can often happen in conversation. One idea can lead to something else which is not necessarily relevant to the main idea being discussed. When this happens, one of the three, perhaps the one leading the discussion might say to the other two delving into the "deviation" subject, after a few minutes:

"Ok. Well, that's all very interesting, but moving right along...we know our budget this year did not include any amount of investment in the Wuttsernegger Projects...".

"Moving right along..." is the expression used above to bring the discussion back to the original subject, which in this case is the budget. It gets the discussion "back on track", as we say. 
                                                                        
                                                                        

                                                                  Video: Personal Archives


In the above video the "deviation" is represented by "blah, blah, blah...".

When the discussion deviates or "takes a detour" from the original topic, one can use this expression. 

Tony: Well, you guys know Bill has a lot of talent for making bread. His bakery should prosper in a short time.

Joe: Yeah, sure it will, if he can stop long enough to control his eating habits! He might eat more bread than he sells! Haahaaa!

Mark: Haaha! Yeah! We all know how overweight he is! Haahahaaaa!

Tony: Umm...moving right along...he's offered us shares in this new company, and has his other two very successful businesses...".

In the discussion above, the group of friends while chit-chatting, get off the subject when Joe starts talking silly, making a bad joke about their friend Bill, the businessman. The attentive and sensitive friend, Tony, helped Joe and Mark get off the insulting comment and back on the subject at hand, without directly confronting them. However, indirectly, Tony manages to confront their insensitiveness with the expression "moving right along..."


In this case, nothing more needed to be said to confront after the expression, because it served as an alert to the others that the conversation should change to the original, more wholesome, decent subject worth talking about.

Moving right along is not always meant to confront, but also to just get people on to the next subject, as time is often precious (time is short).

You are getting closer to speaking impressive American English!

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

E-TIDBIT OF THE DAY: You don't say?

"You don't say?" is a common expression and rhetorical question used in response to a comment made by someone in conversation. It usually follows information given that is already known to most everyone. It is not new information to the receiver, but the messenger tells the information as though new. 

Some examples:

Messenger: Cows eat grass, not meat!
Receiver: You don't say?!
-------------------------------------------
Messenger: You can't walk in Central Park at midnight alone! You're a woman!
Receiver: You don't say?
-------------------------------------------
Messenger: The Arctic Circle is mostly frozen land mass and cold.
Receiver: You don't say?


                                                             Video: Personal Archives



"You don't say!" has the intonation of a conclusion made by the receiver and a bit of sarcasm (see video above), rather than that of the typical honest question. It can be used by the receiver to indicate either disbelief or obviousness in the statement made by the messenger. 


Some examples:

Messenger: I may be small, but I'm going to show him a thing or two* even though he's a body-builder.
Receiver: You don't say. 
--------------------------------------------
Messenger: I really am afraid of rats after getting bit by one!
Receiver: You don't say!

* To show someone "a thing or two", is to confront them in some bold manner with the intent to show oneself stronger or better than they are.

In the above example, the messenger is obviously no match for the body-builder he plans to confront. The receiver knows this and doubts his success in doing so. Therefore, the response is sarcasm with a bit of body language and a look to go with it (see video above).

"You don't say" can be used to ridicule in response to the messenger (the one making the statement), or simply said in fun to tease.

Finally, "You don't say" can be used just as a normal response to something someone says. The intonation in this kind of response has a bit of surprise with interest, but not disbelief (see video below).
                                 Video: Personal Archives

Some examples:

Joey: Hey, man! I just got promoted to manager at my job! 
Jane: You don't say.
----------------------------------------------
Michelle: I put the tile down on the floor in our bathroom and changed the roofing on the garage all by myself.
Bob: You don't say.


Congratulations! You're getting even closer to speaking impressive American English!