Making North American friends can be a challenging and gradual undertaking, especially for Latin Americans and perhaps for citizens of other parts of the world, as well. First, let me say that Latin Americans are a very hospitable people. Once you are introduced to them by a mutual friend, they usually embrace you as their friend immediately. They trust you because their friend is also your friend.
After meeting, there may be certain unspoken expectations placed upon the North American by his or her new Latin American friends. These expectations are a product of the host culture in which the newcomer finds himself as a guest and foreigner. If these expectations are not met by the foreigner within a certain span of time, he or she may be misunderstood. People act and react according to the social customs, habits and practices of their own culture. When the relationship involves people of different cultures, misunderstandings can occur. Please allow me to give an example that will help you better understand what I am talking about.
Photo: Personal Archives
After arriving in Brazil, I and another North American friend attended a Brazilian church. We made friends quickly with the young women of the church, from our point of view. I was considered a leader because of the purpose with which I came to Brazil: to train and equip church leadership. This factor, coupled with just being a North American, helped in making friends quickly. But, my friend and I began to communicate an attitude by our action of habitually leaving the church just minutes after the service (meeting) was over.
Photo: Personal Archives
During our first year at the church, my friend and I invited the young women of the church to our home to have a leisure time of talking about whatever subjects they desired. The idea was to get to know one another better. A question was asked that was puzzling the young women - Why were we not staying for a time after the meeting (service) to talk with them? They explained to us that they were enjoying so much the time that afternoon in our home, but that we seemed not to care enough about them at church to stay and talk. They said that they felt very special to us having been invited to our home, but that our behavior of leaving right after the service at church on Sundays sent them a different message. We were communicating to them that they were not special to us because we were not staying after the meeting for 30-60 minutes to chat with them.
Photo: Personal Archives
You see, this is the custom in many Brazilian churches - to stay after the worship meeting to talk with friends. This time is considered very important to many Brazilians. The fact that we were not entering into this practice, communicated to our friends that we did not like them and that we were socially distant and unapproachable. Having heard this, we apologized and asked them to forgive us for this behavior and promised to spend time after the church meeting to talk with them and pray with them.
Often executives who have posts in other countries return home within a short time for lack of knowledge about the host country where they were to continue their corporate careers. Organizations which send workers overseas can avoid losing time, money and even business relationships by investing in training seminars which help to prepare their employees for such overseas visits and long-term posts.
Photo: Personal Archives
North Americans can be too objective when it comes to relationships, time and purpose, while in countries where relationship is valued more highly than time and even money. Where we consider time wasted when failing to reach the day's business objectives, other cultures consider it priority getting acquainted over a game of golf as time well spent. We like to have a purpose for doing everything, even when spending leisure time with friends. We can be overly protective of our personal and especially our business time. We cherish our alone times, especially after a long week of work, and that may be misunderstood by our hosts.
Photo: Personal Archives
The lesson in my experience shared above is that when you go to another country to live and work with and among the people, you should first be a studious observer, learn from the actions of the people and make every effort to find out what is important to them. Then, it is a good idea to do as they do, if it does not put you in any kind of danger or go against a local law, moral or spiritual standard you may live by. If you do this, you can increase your chances of being successful in every aspect of your life and work as a guest in that culture, especially in relationships. It is the attitude of being what is called culturally sensitive and being willing to go through the process of acculturation*.
The knowledge you gain in being a humble observer and learner will help you in the workplace with colleagues and in personal relationships. The key is to say to yourself that they are different, rather than thinking of your own culture as superior. This thinking can help you to become part of the new culture.
The knowledge you gain in being a humble observer and learner will help you in the workplace with colleagues and in personal relationships. The key is to say to yourself that they are different, rather than thinking of your own culture as superior. This thinking can help you to become part of the new culture.
*Acculturation
Source: The Free Dictionary by Farlex, http://www.thefreedictionary.com/acculturation
1. The modification of the culture of a group or individual as a result of contact with a different culture.
2. The process by which the culture of a particular society is instilled in a human from infancy onward. Source: The Free Dictionary by Farlex, http://www.thefreedictionary.com/acculturation
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